Songs About Us
by Starpenmusic
Summary: Songfics about the Young Justice Team and their various members and relationships. Their world is not easy, there's death and desperation, and... love. Rated T for safety. Chapter Two: Roy and Jade in honor of the Connecticut shootings. Read and review.
1. All Too Well

**Chapter One: M'gann and Conner, "All Too Well" By Taylor Swift**

_I walked through the door with you__  
__The air was cold but something 'bout it felt like home somehow and I__  
__Left my scarf there at your sister's house__  
__And you still got it in your drawer even now__  
_

She didn't have a home. Not really. But neither did he. They had made a home, their own little oasis. It wasn't in the Harbor, or the Watchtower. They only had to be together really to be comfortable. After a few years, he had left the Harbor to live with the Kent's in Smallville. It was quiet, quaint, and perfect. M'gann needed that. Somewhere without the business of the other heroes.

Maybe it was selfish, but M'gann hated sharing him. The way the girls looked at him at school, at his bright blue eyes and muscular build drove her insane. When they sat alone in the corn husks, staring at the stars so foreign then the ones she knew, she could let her guard down. She didn't have to be the alien, Megan or the White Martian, just M'gann.

Today, the house was empty when he let her in. Martha and Jonathan were most likely out in the small town, leaving the two teens alone. No sooner than she had dropped her bag did Conner have her against the wall. It was nice to have him so assertive, so commanding. She moaned slightly as he effortlessly lifted her, allowing her to wrap her long legs around his sturdy torso. Slowly, the pale whiteness of her skin changed to green as she tingled with pure pleasure. Conner pulled away, eyes heavily lidded. He never seemed out of breath, not like M'gann who lost her breath every time she looked at him.

"M'gann…" His voice was husky.

She smiled slightly, and without responding gently used her mind to lift off his shirt. Running a hand down the well sculpted chest, she kissed him once more as he backed towards the couch, laying her down before gently resting on top of her. He was so passionate, yet gentle. He could crush her, but Conner was conscious. His hands, greedy, pulled off her long scarf, letting it fall to the ground.

It would eventually be kicked under the couch, long forgotten until one winter day years later. It was on this day that they were now over, finished, and Conner found himself sitting on the same couch, now completely alone. That's when it hit him. Over the smells of the old furniture and farm, the smell of _her_ hit him. He scrambled off the couch, reaching until he found the silk fabric. He would throw it out tomorrow, but today he just wanted to remember.

**XXX**

_Oh, your sweet disposition__  
__And my wide-eyed gaze__  
__We're singing in a car getting lost Upstate__  
__The autumn leaves falling down like pieces into place_

_And I can picture it after all these days._

They had ditched school. It had been Conner's idea surprisingly, but M'gann had jumped on it. She wanted to be with him. He was the only one who got her in an odd sense. They were both new here, had pasts they would rather not remember. They complimented each other, her bubbliness and his closed off personality. Like the human Yin Yang. He truly was sweet, even if he seemed gruff. He put up with her, and that had to mean something.

He was driving, a skill he had somehow acquired while she bounced in the passenger seat. Leaves spiraled down, brushing the pavement with their bright colors before skimming on the wind-blown dance. Reds, oranges and yellows blew before her, like the Earth had set on fire.

"_Our song is a slamming screen door, sneaking out late tapping on your window…."_

In Conner's mind, the song was ridiculous. They were heroes, they didn't sneak out or tap on windows. They could freely leave the Harbor. Conner was more likely to protect M'gann from a rogue bullet then sneak to her house. Not that she had one here. But he liked her voice, the soft off pitch as she crooned along.

He pulled off of the road, miles and miles of nothing but field stretched around them. Conner jumped from the car, helping M'gann out of her side. She smiled, the long grass brushing the hem of her skirt.

"Where are we?" She wondered aloud.

Conner just shrugged. "Not Metropolis or Gotham. We go to places like Bialya and have to work, so…"

M'gann kisses him softly. "It's perfect."

**XXX**

_And I know it's long gone, and that magic's not here no more_

_And I might be okay, but I'm not fine at all_

She pressed her lips together tightly. She would not cry. She _could_ not cry. Quickly brushing the back of her hand against her eyes, M'gann made sure that no stray tears managed to fall. She shifted, allowing the coloring in her eyes to return to white from the puffy redness as her door clicked open.

"Sis?" Gar asked quietly.

"Gar," M'gann tried to smile. "I thought you went to bed."

"I couldn't sleep." The green boy let himself into the older girl's room, climbing on the bed to snuggle against her. He pressed his small form against her, tiny green hands clasping identical colored female ones.

"I couldn't either." She sighed.

"Is it because of you and Superboy?"

It took a second for M'gann to comprehend his words. How could he know? If he knew, others knew, and that meant it was real. She couldn't handle that. She couldn't handle the fact that she had lost the one person important to her because she had bet it all- and lost.

"I'm sorry." Gar whispered. "I know you two have been together for a long time. Since back when you saved me."

"It was bound to happen." M'gann said stiffly. "I mean, I go to an Earth high school. No relationship lasts forever at this age." She said, trying in vain to reassure the both of them. "It was time. We've both grown up, changed a lot…"

"Are you okay sis?" Gar looked worried at her blank expression.

M'gann blinked rapidly to rid herself of the new batch of tears. "I'm fine." She lied through a fake smile. "I have you and J'onn."

Gar smiled and rested his head on her lap. When he fell asleep, M'gann allowed him to sleep with her, the boys' warm breath puffing into the quiet room. They were both alone in different ways. Gar had lost his life, his mom. He needed M'gann to be there for him. But she was so lost, so empty now. She would smile, take care of Gar, because she was fine. But she wasn't sure if she would ever be okay again.

**XXX**

'_Cause here we are again on that little town street__  
__You almost ran the red cause you were looking over at me__  
__Wind in my hair, I was there, I remember it all too well_

M'gann laughed, wrapping her hand around his arm. His fingers twitched, the corners of his mouth rising slightly. She was always in a good mood after the team won a game. Cheering was so normal, so human, and having Conner in the stadiums was just right. The wind floated in from the window, salty air ruffling her air and stinging her eyes. She licked her lips, looking at Conner.

He took his eyes from the road, meeting her amber ones. He leaned in, lips brushing her. M'gann heard a car honk and used her telekinesis to slam the brake down, the grill of the car barely passing the white barrier. He looked embarrassed, and she laughed over the Harbor's waves.

"Get us back safely, and we can celebrate in my room." She whispered, knowing he would hear it. The car squealed away.

**XXX**

_Photo album on the counter__  
__Your cheeks were turning red__  
__You used to be a little kid with glasses in a twin-sized bed__  
__And your mother's telling stories 'bout you on the t-ball team__  
__You tell me about your past thinking your future was me_

"Oh M'gann, you should have been there." Martha Kent laughed. "He had no clue what to do!"

"The genomorphs never told me how to." Conner grumbled.

Jonathan chuckled heartily. "The kid can speak five languages and he couldn't make spaghetti. It's just boiling water and putting the noodles in!"

"That's understandable." M'gann said while trying not to smile. "Even though I made spaghetti my first time without burning it."

Martha flipped to another page in the album. It was ridiculous really that they had one of this size, but once the elderly Kent's found out about Conner they had treated him like a son, just like Clark. The photo album, which started with him at age 'sixteen' was full of pictures of the dark haired, scowling clone.

"He's just as handsome as Clark was." Martha sighed. "Quite the catch he is, especially in this small town. Between Lana Lang and Lois Lane, Clark always seems to have a girl! But he was so shy and sweet."

"Now it seems like Con is following in his footsteps." Jonathan smiled slightly. "He needs a pretty girl like you to keep him in line M'gann."

M'gann was comfortable with the Kent's. They weren't afraid of her being an alien, they understood the best they could after raising Clark. Conner genuinely liked them to, which helped. "Thank you Jonathan."

"Look at this one of Clark!" Martha squealed. "I suppose Conner would have looked like this at well."

"We really need to be going." Conner jumped to his feet. "League stuff."

Martha frowned. "But I thought you had today off."

"Justice never takes a break." Jonathon winked at them. "Go on kids."

Conner quickly kissed Martha on the cheek before grabbing his jacket from the chair back and taking M'ganns' hand.

"Thanks for showing me the pictures Mr. and Mrs. Kent!" She called over her shoulder.

"Come back soon dear." Martha's pleasant voice followed her into the cool Kansas air. Conner wrapped his jacket around her shoulders, and even though she could have made his own she didn't protest. Conner led her to an old silo. M'gann easily floated to the top, Conner jumping up a second later. He held her hand, staring at the country sky.

"They mean well. They're so proud of you."

Conner scoffed. "I'm not a baby."

"No, but they're just glad to be near you." M'gann tilted her head to look at him. "Like me."

She kissed him this time.

"You aren't looking at any more pictures." He lightly teased.

M'gann smirked. "We'll see."

**XXX****  
**_And I know it's long gone, and there was nothing else I could do__  
__And I forget about you long enough to forget why I needed to_

"Please." Her voice quivered.

He looked at her, but those beautiful cerulean blue eyes were closed off, like they had never even known her. "I told you M'gann."

She bit her lip. "What can I say?"

He stood quietly for a while. "Nothing, nothing can fix this."

**XXX**

'_Cause here we are again in the middle of the night__  
__We're dancing round the kitchen in the refrigerator light__  
__Down the stairs, I was there, I remember it all too well_

She was banging pots. It wasn't very polite, with the other mountain inhabitants sleeping, but she let it go unbridled. She had trusted him. He was her friend. Now…

She shattered an egg shell, staring blankly at the bowl. Yellow yolk slithered down her skin, sending shivers from the gooey motion. The white shards mixed into the concoction that were supposed to be cookies, various ingredients pooling at the bottom of the bowl.

With a scream she sent the flour tumbling into the glass measuring cup, hands clasped against her ears. She wanted the memories gone. They were going to suffocate her. With a jerk, the measuring cup tumbled to the ground. She dropped to her knees, grabbing fistfuls of broken glass, oblivious to the scarlet drops that mingled with the emerald of her skin.

He grabbed her wrist, pulling the slivers of glass from her palms soft skin. He picked her up, letting her lay limply against his chest. Carefully he washed the remaining pieces away, setting her on the counter as he cleaned the kitchen silently. Then he looked at her, at the red hair coated in baking soda and the tears that tracked down her face.

"I know people change, and I know they do bad things, but how? How could he? He was our friend. I trusted him!" Her voice was hoarse.

"I know." He murmured, stroking her hair. "I don't understand it either."

She sobbed into his shoulder openly. "I can't hurt him. If I see him, I can't fight him. I don't care if Kaldur's Black Manta's son. I could never…"

"M'gann." Conner was firm in her ear. "I will never hurt you. I will never leave you. Do you understand? I don't care if even Robin converts to the Light, I will never leave you alone."

She slid off the counter, embracing him gently. They began to sway softly, slowly. "I love you."

Conner looked down at her. "I love you too M'gann."

They stood intertwined, like two trees that had grown over each other. The soft light from the appliances and the open fridge framed them, leaving them to rock to the sound of their own breathing.

**XXX**

_And maybe we got lost in translation__  
__Maybe I asked for too much__  
__But maybe this thing was a masterpiece__  
__´til you tore it all up__  
__Running scared, I was there, I remember it all too well_

"How could you?" She had never seen him so angry. "After everything, to just betray everything we were? How could you do that to me M'gann, to us?"

She didn't even care that she was crying. "I can't lose you."

"So you tried to change me?"

"No!" She cried. "You're perfect and handsome. I would never want you to change."

"You messed with my mind."

Her body shook. "It was nothing. You were overreacting about the whole thing."

"You were ruining lives! Leaving people catatonic vegetables is not 'nothing'. I can see that you're more than another White Martian."

Anger lit up in her. "You mean more than another killing machine? Maybe I can't help what I am Conner. I can't change the fact that I was born the way I was. But I could change your displeasure. Then, I wouldn't lose you."

"I think you just did."

"Please!" She grabbed his hand before he could walk away. "I'm sorry. Was it too much to ask?"

"What do you think?" He turned, and in a desperate event, M'gann allowed her eyes to go white. His back stiffened.

_They were sixteen years old, kissing for the first time…_

_Swimming in the Harbor…_

_Smiling to each other in secret over the heads of the team…_

_Kissing on New Year's..._

A hot flash pulsed in M'ganns head as she was forced to stop the flow of memories. When Conner turned, his eyes were like discs, full of rage like he had just woken up in Cadmus.

"Why are you showing me that?" He roared.

"So you could remember that love."

"I know I loved you M'gann. I loved you more than I loved myself. But that's not you anymore. The girl you showed me would not take the most cherished feelings to me, and try to brainwash it with me. I don't care what you say. That's not you. Not anymore."

This time M'gann let him walk away. When she heard the Zeta announce others arrival, she ran. She didn't know where she was going, but she couldn't be here.

**XXX  
**_Hey you called me up again just to break me like a promise__  
__So casually cruel in the name of being honest__  
__I'm a crumbled up piece of paper lying here_

His eyes flickered over to hers, which were blank and downcast. "Do you ever wish you could change the past?"

She didn't even look up, not startled by his words. "Doesn't everyone?"

He wanted to embrace her like he had so many times before, but the wall was there. That barrier she had put up would not go down. He pursed his lips. "Was it worth it?"

She looked up. "Worth it, is anything _worth it_ Superboy? It was never supposed to be like this."

"Did you not think I would notice? M'gann, your touch is what made me feel alive. Then, it made me foggy. Did you think because I was a clone it was okay, or I wouldn't realize it?"

"Why are you doing this?" Her voice was void of emotion. "Yes, I screwed up. I wrecked the one thing I had, the most important thing. Are you going to make sure that gap I feel 24/7 stays? Is this my punishment?" She jumped to her feet.

"M'gann, after Artemis I just-"

Without another word, she flew from the room.

**XXX**

_Time won't fly it's like I'm paralyzed by it__  
__I´d like to be my old self again__  
__But I'm still trying to find it_

Was La'gaan…flirting with her? This was new. Wally had Artemis, and Dick would never go for her because she was like his sister, as well as out of respect for a close friend, so this kind of behavior was foreign right now.

"You know Angelfish, I personally think green is the way to go."

"Umm… yeah. You, Gar and I. Green.." She smiled weakly.

La'gaan didn't miss a beat. "I really enjoy watching you spar. I mean, you're great. And you can cook! Sounds like the perfect woman to me."

M'gann frowned slightly. "Yeah, not everyone think so."

La'gaan rolled his eyes. "Is this about Mr. Big, Dark and Grumpy? Really M'gann, you deserve better. So come try better." He held his hand out.

M'gann froze. She had loved people, being a cheerleader. But now she didn't. It was stupid, she was big girl, but without Conner she felt alone and vulnerable. Why couldn't she be herself again? Or, was this just who she was now? She looked into La'gaans' smiley face and tried to match it. Maybe she was someone else, but there was nothing wrong with trying to find the new her.

She took his hand.

**XXX**  
_After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own__  
__Now you__mail__back my things and I walk home alone_

"Where's Conner?" Karen asked, craning her dark neck to look at the empty stadiums.

"Oh, he was… busy." M'gann lied.

"Megan." Bette Kane grabbed her hand. "I think I know exactly what happened?"

M'ganns eyes widened. "Y-You do?"

"Yes." Bette nodded her blonde head. "You finally dumped him! A total looker, but come on, get a personality!" She laughed.

"Yeah…" M'gann chuckled. "I thought it was time."

"Don't worry." Bette assured her. "We will get you a hot date for the Spring Formal. I was going with my friend Barbara, but Babs got asked by Dick Grayson, lucky duck. Now, you and I can find some man dimes together!"

Bette squealed and M'gann tuned her out. She didn't want some hot date, she wanted Conner. After practice, the other girls piled into their cars. M'gann found herself walking back towards the field, looking up at the stadiums. That's when it hit her. Conner had gone home, she was alone. He was really gone.

She walked home desolately, head down and arms wrapped around her. Karen had offered her a ride, but the Zeta Tube location wasn't a spot where she could be dropped off at casually without other questions being asked. Throughout the walk, she kept turning to ask Conner questions, the silence that answered kept reminding her that he was gone.

As soon as she got to the Harbor, she wasted no time in getting to her room. On the bed was a sweater, folded neatly and left. Her knees buckled. She had left that at the Kent's. For someone who could create organic clothing, it made buying things all the more special. She had gotten it on a date with Conner at the Harbor. And he had returned it.

That hurt more than the silence.

**XXX**

_But you keep my old scarf from that very first week__  
__'Cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me__  
__You can't get rid of it, cause you remember it all too well_

He had promised himself he was going to throw it away. But he hadn't for some reason. He didn't do anything sappy with it, like keep it under his pillow, but left it tucked away in a drawer. He pulled it out the night Artemis died.

They weren't children anymore. They weren't immortal. Artemis, long haired flashing eyed Artemis was gone. So was M'gann in a sense. She wasn't the way she used to be. He knew people changed, but as he balled the scarf up in his fist, he wished he could go back in time for both their sakes.

Because he missed the innocence, he missed the long days and nights. He had only been alive for five years, and already he wished he could go back.

But he really wished that damn scarf would stop smelling like her.

**XXX**

_Cause there we are again when I loved you so__  
__Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known__  
__It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well_

She was kissing him, but he didn't seem totally comfortable. She pulled away, nuzzling into him. "What's wrong? You seem… upset?"

He leaned back, looking in thought. "You have to stop M'gann."

"Stop what?"

"What you're doing. The whole vegetable thing."

"That?" M'gann laughed. "Con, we're getting valuable information from the Light. They're bad people. Whatever happens is a side effect."

"But you aren't letting them have a chance to redeem themselves. What if they had a reason?"

M'gann rolled her eyes. "Oh, come on. When's that going to happen?"

"I don't know." Conner snapped. "But you may hurt someone we care about one day."

"Only if they deserve it."

"Things aren't as they seem. You don't get to play judge and jury with others life."

"You're right." M'gann smiled. "I'm sorry."

If he had opened his eyes when they kissed, he would have seen him glowing white. Then he might have noticed the fog that settled into his mind.

**XXX**

_Wind in my hair, you were there, you remember it all__  
__Down the stairs, you were there, you remember it all__  
__It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well_

"Will you ever love me again?"

Conner was surprised that M'gann was speaking to him now, after all that had just happened. "M'gann." His voice was tired.

"I remember." She said. "When you told me that I would hurt someone we cared about, because things aren't as they seem. And I didn't listen. I didn't listen."

Conner frowned. "M'gann, what are you talking about?"

"Kaldur." She began to sob. "I did it to him. He's catatonic."

"He killed Artemis." Conner growled. She looked at him with watery eyes. "M'gann, what did you see?"

"They lied to us Conner. I couldn't believe it until Tigress showed up. She asked me what I had done, then suddenly she wasn't Tigress. She was Artemis. And it made so much sense."

"Artemis… She's not dead?" Conner asked. "That's not possible. I heard her heart stop beating."

"Everything was planned to the last second. Information drop offs, the Harbor exploding. They killed our friend and blew up our home, but it wasn't for nothing. And I've ruined it. I should have listened. They played us like pawns, and it would have worked if I wasn't a monster." She hid her face.

"Yes." He said. She looked up. "Yes, I could love you again. M'gann, I never stopped. You see now, don't you? What I couldn't stand? I'm not saying we're going to be back together tomorrow, but I can see regret."

"Regret…" She trailed off.

"I can't let it go. Not when I remember what we had."

**A/N: There we go! I'll take song requests and such, but I really liked M'gann and Conner. So… review? Please? (:**


	2. The Last Time

**Chapter Two: Jade and Roy, "The Last Time" by Taylor Swift and Gary Lightbody of Snow Patrol**

_Found myself at your door,_

_Just like all those times before,_

_I'm not sure how I got there,_

_All roads they lead me here._

Roy sagged against the door frame. He couldn't do it anymore, he couldn't pretend that this was the way it was supposed it go. He hadn't liked to admit it, but he needed her. He needed her more than the air that barely filled his lungs after the long run here.

He was going to drown. Life was suffocating, the sheer guilt cramming itself down his throat until he couldn't even see straight. The pressure a consistent pulsing ache that resonated everywhere. Sleep was something he had parted with since what had happened. Since _it_ had happened. Nights were a time to twist and turn, sweat plastering the sheets to his legs. He prided himself on being strong, but when the sun faded away and only the moon could witness it he would cry. What started as tears would escalate into racking sobs that robbed him of all air. The salty tracks would trace their path down his pale cheeks into his mouth, filling it until he could almost imagine drowning in them.

Fingers clutched at red hair. He shouldn't be here. That was the one thing he was certain of. She wouldn't want to see him, not after how he had failed. He didn't even want to see himself. The mere sight of the gaunt reflection in his mirror made him sick. Roy liked to act independent, but he knew his fatal flaw. Hubris, pride. He was so prideful, an arrow whizzing through the air until a stray gust of wind blew him off course.

It had taken everything in him to not start using again. Really, he had no reason not to, but he knew the familiar sensation would only end with him more lost. He picked himself up, bones protesting after sitting there for so long. He clung to the chipped white paint of the door for a second, tempted to knock. But he didn't. He just pushed the door open and took a deep breath.

**XXX**

_I imagine you are home,_

_In your room, all alone,_

_And you open your eyes into mine,_

_And everything feels better,_

Everything was still, dark. The smell of dust was overwhelming to him. Never had the apartment been kept in pristine condition, but this was a tribute to everything that had been thrown away. Everything they had lost. He stopped to rest his hand against the couch, against the worn fabric. He could almost feel her in it.

He jerked his hand away, afraid to remember. If he started down memory lane he would never find his way back. The odds of her being here were a hundred to one, but he had a gut feeling. He knew to trust his gut, it was the one thing that hadn't abandoned him.

He waited outside the door for a moment, resting his head against the cool wood. This was it. This was why he was here. But he was terrified. The wedding ring was gone... their one tie to each other...

Roy clamped his mouth shut, stern in resolve. No, he couldn't think like that. He pushed the door open, eyes scanning the dark room, taking in the coppery scent of blood. Scarlet hand prints marred the windowsill, glass partly opened to let in the smell of Gotham smog. He tentatively lowered himself onto the bed, careful not to touch the mass. He knew she was aware of him; she had probably been since he had walked through the front door.

He turned, positioning his body so that it fit around her, enveloping her so he could breathe in the smell of her tangle of black hair. She shifted, rolling towards him, eyes like lanterns in the night. For a second, he felt alright, okay again. Then, she punched him.

**XXX**

_I'm right before your eyes,_

_I'm breaking._

_No thoughts, no reasons why,_

_Just you and me..._

Roy felt his hand snap back, her tough knuckles connecting with his nose. He held up a hand to stop the gushing blood, knowing from experience it was broken. Jade was silent, gone from under the covers and straddling him, a knife pressed to his neck. He hadn't seen it earlier, but he knew first hands that Jade liked to keep her weapons in creative places.

"You...you..." She hissed.

Roy easily broke her hold, sending the blade skittering away off the bed and over the floor. He held her wrists, rolling on top of her thrashing form. She hissed, eyes wild. He pressed down on her, feeling the dampness of her blood soak into him. Her sharp nails dug into his wrists, leaving angry red lines.

"Please, just listen." He gasped.

"There's nothing to listen to!"

One long leg shot up connecting with Roy's groin. He doubled over, allowing her to kick him off the bed. She launched onto him, rolling so that she almost hit the wall. She leaned down, her hair a curtain around him.

"I'm going to kill you."

Tears rolled off of her face, mingling with his sweat.

**XXX**

_This is the last time I'm asking you this_

_Put my name at the top of your list_

_This is the last time I'm asking you why_

_You break my heart in the blink of an eye_

"Jade." He felt her tense at the sound of his voice. "Please, listen. For her." She sagged against him, more vulnerable then he had ever seen. Roy gathered her up in his arms, pulling her limp form close. "None of this was supposed to happen."

She shuddered. "Of course it wasn't. We were stupid."

"We can't change the past." He gently chided.

"How could I have been so dumb?" She growled. "I spent my childhood watching a relationship ruined my mother's life. I ran away and promised myself that I would never be hurt like that. I would learn to kill and fight, because I'm so much stronger than she ever was." Her voice was. "Or I thought I was."

"We did everything we could."

"No." Her voice was icy. "If we had just stayed away from each other, this wouldn't have happened. Look at you Harper, you're a mess. If you're not using, you're off being a hero. I've made it my mission to skin people like you. If we wouldn't have pretended that we could work, that we were something we weren't, none of this would have happened."

"Jade, I-"

"Don't apologize." She snapped. "It never suited you. It was your fault, but it was my fault for trusting you. I don't know what you wanted from coming here, but no more. I can't do this. This, this isn't me. I need to be myself again, you need to go off and be whoever the hell you want to be. Let's stop playing games."

**XXX**

_You find yourself at my door,_

_Just like all those time before_

_You wear your best apology_

_But I was there to watch you leave_

She pushed herself off of him, stepping silently towards the window. Roy hoisted himself to his feet, making no move towards her. He looked at his hands, for the first time unsure of what to do with them. They had done so much wrong, yet some right as well.

"Do not shut me out." He said voice even. "We were married, remember?"

Jade laughed bitterly. "We both know that failed. How many times did we split, did you run out on us? I threw my wedding ring away, it was a miracle I managed to find it each time." She turned to look at him.

"We've made it work every other time. I need you, because you're the only one who can understand what I'm feeling right now."

"This isn't like every other time!" She yelled hoarsely. "This isn't like every other time, because our daughter is dead. Lian is dead Harper; get that into your head. Why should we even try to act like things are okay?"

"She's dead." Roy repeated. "Do you not think I've dreamt of her every night? That I hear her crying and wake up in the middle of the night only to realize that- that she's gone? She brought us together, made us more than Red Arrow and Cheshire. Can we let that go?"

"I blame you." Her voice was quiet. "You left her with Speedy. Speedy, the slut who has AIDS from being a prostitute. How did you think that was okay, or a good idea? She left our baby, our little girl to die. Alone. She died alone. And you should have been there. Then where were you? I don't need a hero Roy, but where was my _husband_ when I found out? When my father came in the middle of the night to tell me Lian was dead? So no, Harper. I can't forgive you, and I can't let go of this feeling."

**XXX**

_All those times I let you in_

_Just for you to go again_

_Disappear when you come back_

_Everything is better_

"I'm not asking you to forgive me. I can't forgive myself. For Lian, for what happened to the real Roy. I just need you."

Jade snorted. "I don't need you. Because I haven't had you."

"Don't play that game." Roy snapped.

"Why not? I thought Lian would help you. And she did, in a sense. But every time we fought, I could see you flipping a coin in your head. Tails you go, heads you stayed. And every time, I wondered if Lian would have to be raised by my mother because I was dead and you were out of the picture."

"I always came back."

"Yeah, and the makeup sex only did so much. It was great, until it wasn't. And things turned sour fast. You did come back, but the whole you left was a lot bigger than the space you filled."

**XXX**

_When right before your eyes_

_I'm aching, run fast_

_Nowhere to hide,_

_Just you and me_

Impulsively, stupidly, he lunged towards her. She was fast, and as she expected ducked, allowing him to spin, sending a leg out to trip her so he could grab her. He shoved her against the wall, locking his lips against his own. He was the passionate one, whether it was finding Arsenal or being with her. She was the animal that he got to tame at night. She writhed under him, hands fumbling under his clothing, long nails racking his chest.

It was inevitable, that this would happen. There was nothing else to do. The only thing Roy needed was to get rid of the pain, numb it somehow. And this did it. It soothed the ache, pushing the everlasting dagger away at her touch.

They broke, eyes meeting. Hers were as cold and calculating as the cat she was named after, dissecting him silently. She was an animal, a cat that stalked around, unfazed and untouchable. He was a hunter, the one with the bow and the target. But who really was the prey, and who the predator?

"I've never felt this." She muttered into his neck between sloppy, well placed kisses. "I've been shot, tortured and attacked, but I didn't know anything could feel like this. I can't hide."

"You shouldn't." He whispered into her hair. "You may be Cheshire, but you were a mother. To lose a child is the worst pain thinkable."

**XXX**

_This is the last time you tell me I've got it wrong_

_This is the last time I say it's been you all along_

_This is the last time I let you in my door_

_This is the last time I won't hurt you anymore_

"You know what this has to be." She murmered as he set her down. "You had to know in coming."

His eyes were heavily lidded as he took in the sight of her tantalizing form, the soft blend of her skin in the darkness. "It's the only way."

"You can go, be Red Arrow. I have to finish what I started. This is my life; I have to continue out this path. This business is no place for a child, and I can't even be around you without..."

"Same." Roy agreed.

"We can't take the risk. Because no one else should go through what Lian went through. When we see each other, we'll be enemies. The rings are gone, Lian is gone. Nothing holds us together."

"I won't hurt you again."

Jade smirked slightly. "Everyone will hurt you down Harper; it's just pain tolerance that gets you through. You know, when we had Lian, I was always thinking that if something happened to us, she would fall into my father's hands. Over my dead body would I allow him to torture another little girl."

"Don't think about it." Roy said quietly. "I can't think about it at least. About the gifts I never got to give her, or the fact that she never got to have a sweet sixteen or learn to fire a bow. Nothing in my life has been normal, but I wanted to chase off boyfriends and laugh because I'm no better than them, and walk her down the aisle. I didn't want to bury her. You can't tell me what I've done wrong, because I'll live with it forever."

"Don't come back. Because I won't let you in, no matter how much it hurts. I won't be reminded of her, of what happened. I've lost my sister and my daughter, and I won't you lose you too Harper. Saying goodbye is the only way to make sure that happens."

"Going our separate ways won't save me. I'll still be in just as much danger as you."

"But if I'm not there, it won't be my fault."

Roy nodded, walking towards the door, but pausing in the hall. "Before I go, I want to visit her. One last time."

Jade nodded. "Let's say goodbye."

**XXX**

They knelt in the wet grass, looking at the tombstone next to Artemis's. She had buried too many good people here. There had been so much death, too much death. When you thought about it, no child deserved to die, to have their little lives ripped away before they had the chance to live. But there were real life boogey men, she knew that better than anyone, and they wouldn't hesitate to spill innocent blood. Those monsters, those were the ones who deserved to die. Not sweet children who could change the hardest of hearts. She clutched Roy's hand tightly, running her free fingers over the carved letters.

_Lian Harper._

No mother deserved to bury her baby. When they both stood, they would go separate ways, but both knew it was the only way, the last time this could happen. Because it was the only time either of them could bear to lose a child.

**A/N: This is in honor of all the sweet angels taken by the son of a bitch (pardon my French) who pointlessly gunned them down. The world is a very dark place. In spite of that, please review, and please pray. **


	3. The Moment I Knew

_A/N: Thanks for the reviews; I'm working on the requested pieces! And this is pre Batgirl and Barbara is unaware of Dick's alter ego. Next is either Spitfire or Dick/Babs._

**Chapter Three: Dick and Babs, The Moment I Knew by Taylor Swift**

_You should've been there,_

_Should've burst through the door,_

_With that 'baby I'm right here' smile,_

_And it would've felt like,_

_A million little shining stars had just aligned,_

_And I would've been so happy._

The air seemed empty. Though the room was packed with various people staggering around laughing, a gap seemed to fill the space around her. It was as if someone had taken a suction cup and vacuumed all the air out of the place, leaving her to gasp for air like a fish. Trying to shove the emotions down, she wandered from corner to corner, eyes trained on the door.

She could picture it so clearly. The door would fly open, and a few stray snowflakes would drift in. He would be right there, shaking the white particles from his dark hair and instantly bringing the life back to her. He would ignore everyone else, the girls that swooned, and make his way right to her with the familiar cocky grin that signified that no matter what was going on, it was all okay now. And it would have been.

Only, the door remained closed, the people around her oblivious to the battle going on inside of her. She sighed, running a pale hand through her fiery red hair. When she pictured this party, it wasn't like this. She hadn't even wanted to go in the first place, but he had convinced her that it would be fun. Now he wasn't even her. If he had, it would have been okay, it would have been right. It wouldn't have been like this.

**XXX**

_Christmas lights glisten,_

_I've got my eye on the door,_

_Just waiting for you to walk in,_

_But the time is ticking,_

She drummed her fingers against her knees, shifting uncomfortably in her chair. She had never really had a huge birthday party, but he had insisted that sixteen was one you had to celebrate. Had his adopted father not thrown him the biggest and best party? People still spoke of it.

Being the daughter of the Commissioner, she made a point not to drink. Her dad would not hesitate to arrest her for under age drinking, and it was not something she wished to experience. Everyone else however was completely at peace with their sobriety, or lack of it. Usually, they would sit together and scoff at all the teenagers making idiots of themselves, but sitting alone she was getting to the point where she was half tempted to join them.

Being a Christmas kid had never really bugged her, it was a nice rush of gifts at one convenient time. The fact that she was not only throwing a Christmas party but a sweet sixteen had been a major turn on, and the attendance was larger than she had expected. Had her father not been away in Bludhaven, she would have been more than concerned. She allowed her eyes to take in all the little details of the Christmas tree next to her, counting the ornaments and rainbow colored lights while she twiddled her thumbs at her own party.

Would she sit here waiting for him all night? Deep down, in the core of her gut, she knew she would. She always would. He had been her best friend since she was nine years old, her all around confident and support. Their dating as of late only added another layer of understanding to the relationship. But this was consistently happening. He would promise, but just as easily prove that promises weren't hard to break. It was always something with Bruce, or some event from his martial arts class. Maybe they were good excuses, but it didn't change the fact that she was alone. And she didn't know how much longer she could handle it.

**XXX**

_People ask me how I've been_

_As I comb back through my memory,_

_How you said you'd be here,_

_You said you'd be here._

"Barbara?"

She looked up in surprise, blue eyes meeting a pair of caring, yet unfocused ones. She tried to smile, feeling as those she failed miserably. "Everything all right Bette?"

She didn't have a lot of friends. Just Bette and Artemis, who she had met through him. The two blondes were fine as far as friends went, though Artemis did seem to go MIA quite a bit. But not as much as he did. The girl in front of her was wrapped in a tight black dress, extenuating her thin form and offsetting her dark blue eyes and blonde hair. Her lipstick was slightly smudged and she seemed to wobble a little in place.

"I s'pose." She slurred. "But I wonder why my best friends being such a prude at her own party."

Barbara allowed herself to roll her eyes, a shade lighter than Bette's. Everyone said they were pretty, but in her opinion they weren't half as pretty as his azure ones. "I'm not being a prude. You know I don't drink."

Bette dropped like a sack into the chair next to her. "I know." She lazily played with a wavy piece of hair. "But you aren't doing anything. You look totally hot, and you're sulking in the corner."

"I'm not sulking." Barbara tuned her out, opting to pull her phone out while Bette rambled, unaware that her friend was no longer paying attention. She opened up the last conversation, eyes scanning the messages.

_Me: Shoot me; Bette's trying to make me wear some blue slip of a dress._

_Dick: Ah, come on. It'll look great. I'll have to fight to keep the guys off of you._

_Me: Haha, suuuuure. When do you think you'll get here?_

_Dick: As soon as Bruce's stupid charity thing ends. _

_Me: And that is...?_

_Dick: Soon. (: I probably should have checked with him before I charmed you into having a party._

_Me: You owe me big time Grayson._

_Dick: I'll make it up to you later. Gtg, Alfred is glaring._

_Me: Don't have too much fun._

_Dick: I should be saying that to you. See you soon, Gordon._

_Me: Promise?_

_Dick: I promise Babs._

Bette yanked the phone from her hands, squinting to try to read it. Barbara quickly pulled it from her, knowing her friends vision was so messed up she wouldn't have been able to read it anyways. Bette pouted, dropping her head on Barbara's shoulder.

"Don't let Dick come between you and a good time." She chided. "I mean, you look soooo pretty in that dress. That blue does wonders for your skin tone. So go flirt and have fun. You can deal with Grayson when he comes."

Barbara shrugged her head off. "We're in a relationship Bette, monogamy. Besides, I think it's time to cut the cake." She lied.

"But weren't you going to wait for-"

"He promised he'd be here and he's not, okay? We can't wait all night."

She pushed from the chair, stomping away without another word.

**XXX**

_And it was like slow motion,_

_Standing there in my party dress,_

_In red lipstick,_

_With no one to impress,_

She pushed outside, not wanting to deal with the cake now. She couldn't really eat it because of gymnastics anyways. She climbed out onto the roof of the small apartment, ignoring the fact that she was in a tight and short dress. She unclipped the pin in her hair, undoing the veil braid that held some of her bright locks in. Why even try? There was no one there worth trying for. Dick hadn't bothered to show up, but everyone else had. Artemis had come, bringing her boyfriend Wally West from Central. Bette had come, along with most of the school. Hell, even Roy Harper had come. She had met the ginger playboy once through Dick, and he was apparently best friends with her boyfriend and Wally.

She felt fat mascara tears rain down her face, a sort of masterpiece of disaster. She didn't realize she wasn't alone until she felt a large hand on her arm.

"He would have come if he could have." Wally said gently, large emerald eyes concerned.

"You don't have to lie because he's you best friend." She wiped some of the rouge makeup away.

"I'm not." Wally said, face earnest. "Dick is crazy about you, always has been. His life is just crazy."

"He should be here." She said, looking out at the Gotham city skyline through the fog. "I mean, we've ditched out of stupid events so many times."

"The museum opening is a big deal."

Barbara frowned, looking at Wally. "Museum opening? He said it was a charity ball."

Wally paled, freckles sticking out on his face. "Um, yeah. Charity ball, museum opening. Same thing."

"No. They aren't." She said, more to herself than to Wally. "I get it."

**XXX**

_And they're all laughing,_

_As I'm looking around the room,_

_But there was one thing missing,_

_And that was the moment I knew._

She craned her long neck to look into the party. Everyone seemed so happy. Artemis was bickering with Roy about something, their bodies seeming teasing. Mal Duncan and Karen Beecher were cuddled up, taking advantage of the mistletoe and Bette was laughing with some guy. Everyone was there, except for Dick. Who even knew where he was.

"Thanks Wally, for the help." She said, turning to climb back in.

Wally looked confused. "Um, you're welcome? Mind if I ask what I helped with before you go?"

"For helping me figure it out."

"Still not clear beautiful." Wally chuckled.

Barbara rolled her eyes. Wally would call her beautiful, but his girlfriend didn't care. Everyone knew Artemis had the ginger wrapped around her finger. "We shouldn't pretend. Obviously Dick is through with me but doesn't know how to end it without ruining the friendship." She explained. "But now I can." She crawled through the window.

"No no no." Wally followed her abnormally fast. "That isn't it, at all."

"I have nothing else to go off of."

"Ask him!"

Barbara sighed. "I have. There's always an excuse. I know now."

**XXX**

_And the hours pass by,_

_Now I just wanna be alone,_

_But your close friends always seem to know_

_When there's something really wrong,_

The party was nearly over, most of the people either passed out or gone home to continue the party there. Barbara had a strict rule against hooking up, after all the only beds were hers and her father. She didn't need the thought of her peers getting down on the kitchen table.

She was done. The few stragglers would find themselves out before she woke the next morning, so she turned to go to her room when Artemis appeared in front of her. She gave her a tight smile. Artemis raised a brow, not fooled. It seemed that beside Barbara herself, Artemis, Roy and Wally had been the only ones to remain sober.

"Going somewhere?"

"Just to bed." Barbara tried to step around the taller girl, but Artemis's lean body stayed firm.

"What's wrong Barbara?"

"Nothing." She insisted. "Bette asked that earlier. I'm just not a drinker."

"You haven't smiled once." Artemis said.

"I'm, um...on my period." She fibbed.

"It's Dick, right?" Artemis asked.

Barbara sighed, trying to keep her face blank. "Yeah. I mean, I've never been some stupid, self-obsessed girl with incredible insecurities that needs her boyfriend 24/7, but..." She shook her head. "It's stupid. It's my sixteenth birthday, I should just forget it. Maybe it's a sign."

"Barbara, Dick is probably going out of his mind trying to get here. Wally has forgotten just about every milestone and holiday since we got together, but I know he cares."

"Yeah, but when you're together you're the only one he pays attention to. Dick is preoccupied. I just- I mean, we've been best friends since we were nine years old. Maybe he thinks breaking up would ruin the friendship. But I'm not like that; I'll do it for him."

Before Artemis could give her another halfhearted excuse for the mutual friend, she turned to rush away.

**XXX**

_So they follow me down the hall,_

_And there in the bathroom,_

_I try not to fall apart,_

_And the sinking feeling starts,_

_As I say hopelessly,_

_"He said he'd be here."_

She rested her head against the cool glass of the mirror, ashamed for falling apart. She and Dick were high energy, very physical and flirtatious. It was a bit of a downer, but there was no room for her being such a mess. She considered herself a bit of a feminist, and the last thing she needed was Richard Grayson messing with her head like this.

There was a light rapping on the door, and she desperately began to wipe her eyes, clear the mascara from her cheeks. When she no longer looked like a maniacal clown, she opened the door, finding Artemis and Bette.

"You can't lie." Bette said, sticking her foot in the door to make sure Barbara didn't attempt anything. "It's okay to show emotion Babs."

"I know, I know. I'm sorry for causing all this drama. Tonight was supposed to be fun."

"It's cool." Artemis smiled. "It's okay if you're upset, we can party any night we want."

Barbara smiled, splashing some water on her face. One thought was persistent in her head though. _He said he'd be here. _

**XXX**

_You called me later,_

_And said, "I'm sorry, I didn't make it,"_

_And I said, "I'm sorry too,"_

_And that was the moment I knew_.

She was nearly asleep when her phone rang. Bette grumbled from beside her, swatting her halfheartedly before rolling over. Eyes too blurry to read the name, she clicked answer in hopes it was her dad. It wasn't.

"Hey, Babs?"

"I'm hanging up."

"Wait, let me explain." That familiar voice begged.

"What's there to explain? Charity ball, museum opening, whatever you were doing was more important. I get that."

"What are you saying? That's not true."

"Please don't lie or apologize Dick. I think we should take a break."

"Babs, I'm sorry I couldn't make it-"

"I'm sorry too." She clicked off the phone, letting her head fall to her pillow while the tears flowed from her eyes.

**XXX**

He stared at the phone in his hand, hoping it would ring and Barbara would take I back. He had never been dumped before, but the feeling in the pit of his stomach wasn't a loss of pride. It was a loss of a friend. More than a friend, Barbara was...She was what he needed.

"Was that young Mistress Barbara?" Alfred asked without looking up from the stitches he was applying to Dick's stomach.

"Yeah, tonight was her birthday party."

"I'm afraid men like Harvey Dent don't care if there are festivities planned."

"It wasn't just this Al; it was a lot of things. I lied, I wasn't there and it's unfair to her. But I miss her already."

"Master Bruce will be the first to tell you of the sacrifices one must make."

Dick didn't say anything, just stared down at the tattered costume he was wearing. It had been a shitty night before he was dumped. Maybe if he hadn't been so focused on feeling guilty over Barbara he would have been more focused in the field. He hadn't taken such a beating in a while.

For some reason, he didn't think he was just going to get over Barbara Gordon. He would have to get her back somehow, he was the Boy Wonder. She didn't care that he was a millionaire; she just cared about the circus orphan.

And that was the moment he knew.


End file.
